I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
