party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i already hear my dad disowning me
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
