isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
