He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
