I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
