Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
