Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
