Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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