Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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