She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They are going to name an STD after you.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
