woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
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