I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Randomize
