Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
