hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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