All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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