Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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