Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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