Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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