"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize