I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
