I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
