theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
