I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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