is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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