I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Randomize
