May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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