there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
