apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
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I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
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Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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