So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
