I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
