I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
