No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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