So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
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when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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