My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
