I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
