No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
