Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
