I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
