he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
