JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dick very happy bro
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
