): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
