you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
