Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
