I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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