I've blown a few things in my day
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
