Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im holly from the hills drunk
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
