One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
