Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
