think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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