yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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