please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
