just come out here and I will go home with you...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
