she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
