not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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