I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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