The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
