How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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