My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
