She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
