You just made me feel so damn special
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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