I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
