I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
