Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
