The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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