I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
