Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
