The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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