Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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