But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
