the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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