I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
