A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
worst night to have a conscience
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
