She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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