mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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