So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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