Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
