i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
