i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
