can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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