this beer tastes like vomit already
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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