It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
