She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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